Thursday, August 12, 2004

I'm Back

After a month of silence … I’m back! Just came right from the airport from our Makati, head office. Stayed there for two months for a special project. Now after faithfully and, I’d like to say, successfully finishing my mission there – I’m back.

Back there in our head office, I lived a balanced life. Meaning, I had the best and the worst moments in my work life so far. The best part was my first few weeks of stay there. We were in a training-seminar environment, so the mood was kinda laid back and relaxed. Nevertheless that month of breather was instantly equalized for the succeeding two months… the hell-months, as I would describe it. We were burning the midnight candles working until 3:00-6:00 in the morning, weekends included. More than anything else, beyond the business excellence training; above the new systems training, it was a patience training for me. But I survived the chase and now, I’m back.

Yes, I’m back. Back here with my local sales team. Back here in my desk - facing a mountain-load of promotions than needs to be reviewed, implemented and improved. Back here in my area – handling a myriad of tasks and challenges – including the resignation of one of my assistants. In the meantime, will be filling that gap until I find a suitable replacement. Back here in my network with 300++ unread emails. I’m definitely back.

I’m finally back in my home sweet home. I can’t wait to be with my father and sister when I go home tonight after my dinner meeting. Would love to hear what news they have for me when I go home. Can’t wait to spend time with them again. I missed my family so much. To be with them again – talking, laughing, arguing, doing silly stuff … Aaaahhh, feels good to be back!

I’m back with my friends. We have been exchanging text messages and emails regarding my arrival, planning on trips, girl’s night outs, and other escapades. Will be meeting them on Friday. I’m excited to hear about their the latest scoops and gossips. I’d be thrilled to go man-hunting with my other single friends… Hmmmm, sounds fun to be back?

Oh no, I’m back! I’d be facing the reality of being back… now without him. I was very thankful for my stint in Makati. I was immediately transported to a new location, with no whatsoever memories to remind me of him. I was provided with a different environment to muse over my attention. I was surrounded with several associates – old and new alike – that has given me a fresh milieu to divert my thoughts away from the pain and confusion. The hectic schedule provided a welcome respite for me to veer my thoughts away from him… But now I’m back.

Funny … or should I say, sadly, how one man has depopulated my world. It feels miserable going back, knowing that a significant part of me has gone. It feels lonely. Empty. I feel a void in me, coming back. If only there’s an opportunity for me extend my stay in Makati – I would. But there is none. Now, I am forced to come to terms with reality. I can’t forever run away from it. Sooner or later I'd have to face it. But the time for me to face is now. Sigh, I’m back.

I may be back physically in my hometown but the real Rhyanne hasn’t… And she’s not yet even home – still. Let time be my healer. Let God be my strength. I am praying for the time to come where I will just look back into this and smile instead of cry, laugh instead of scream, remember instead of ask… Until then can I say that I’m back and I’m finally – home.