Wednesday, December 29, 2004

2004: The Year That Was

In two days time, year 2004 will be but a history. A thing of the past with all the memories – the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly – some vague, some vivid.

2004 has been a very tough year for me. The saddest year I could ever recall in my life. To calendar, 2004 filled my year with a cheerless valentine, an arduous holy week, a depressing birthday (my most miserable birthday – ever!), a confusing All Soul’s Day, and a not so merry Christmas.

Before anything could get worst than these, I am so excited to see the end of 2004!

Whilst 2004 is my saddest year, I could not deny the fact that from it, I learned valuable things as well. I learned how deeply loved and cherished I am by the important and worthy people in my life, people that truly mattered most. Although at times, I find myself guilty of taking them for granted.

Thank you… So many people, so many thanks to say.

I would like to thank my friends who have been very supportive and caring. They never got tired of listening to my repetitive stories of despair, confusion and insecurities. Some of them sent me notes, cards, even poems, hugs and kisses as well. I may have not been a very good recipient of their kind intentions, but they understood. They stayed and never left me.

To my mother, who cried with me in my lonely nights. She was always there for me. Although I knew that she did not approve of him much, she never said anything. I felt her efforts in trying to love and accept him … all because I loved him. And now that he’s gone – Never did I hear her say “I told you so…” or anything of the sort. And for this, I am ever grateful for her compassionate understanding.

To my father, who was just silent all the while, but I know he cares. In his silent ways, he showed me his care, his concern and his love. I could not have asked for more.

To my little sister, albeit too young to understand anything about love, still tried her best to cheer me up. Despite her young age, she managed to give me strength when I needed it. My little sweet but tough angel she is.

To the one who broke my heart, I thank him still. For those memories, for the laughter and even for the tears. For his coming in to my life – even for a borrowed period of time. At some point, I’d like to believe he loved me as well. Someday soon, all my feelings will fade but at least for once I knew they existed. They were genuine, sincere and true.

To myself. For having gone through all of these. For being brave enough to keep my sanity. For being strong enough to be honest to myself, in my admittance of being weak. For being humble enough to accept and endure the pain. Thus, making me now a wiser and perhaps, better person. Moving on is hard, but I’m certain I will soon emerge to be more than a survivor.

To my God, for everything; for making this happen. I don’t know why this happened, but I know this is part of His enormous plan for me. In the future, I will someday come to see the whole picture and will finally appreciate this, as a part of the greater scheme of things. He is the true love of my soul. And His faithfulness in my life endures forever. I know He has prepared something far better for me, and He will give it to me in His time.

2004, adieu to you! Despite the obscurity, I thank you as well. Along with the tears came all these gifts.

To be honest, I still am unsure as what the future awaits. I even do not feel anything at all with the coming of the New Year. Jaded am I not. It is just that it’s still too early for me to tell. It’s like trying to look for my reflection beneath the murky waters. Nonetheless, as long as I have these important people, whom I call now as my “gifts” in my life, I know everything will be well.

Farewell 2004, hello 2005!


abbylee said...

hie! thanks for ur comment in my blog =)
well, reading this post of yours really reminds me of myself. =) looks like we are similar in many ways, among others, supportive parents and friends, been hurt in a relationship before, able to stand up after each fall and have positive outlook in life!
No matter what awaits us in 2005, i know we'll be's TRUE!

Amy said...

I recieved a post from you last night wishing me a happy Anniversary. I just wanted to say thank you for that. I hope that one day, you too will be celebrating these special times with someone who loves you as Christ calls us to love. I am sure that you will. God has his best in store for you and he will bless you. May your new year bring those many blessings and a year of happy times.


ANNA said...

hi rhyanne,

indeed 2005 is a wonderful year to look forward to! there is so much in store for someone like you! i wish you all the best - all the love, happiness, and success, for you truly deserve it.

thank you very much for being a friend to me, i will never forget the kind words you've given me during one of the lowest point in my life. i am just a text away if you need me.

hala, keep negative thoughts and emotions away na, time for us to say hello to all the blessings God has in store for us. love you, and hope to see you again soon!