Wednesday, January 12, 2005

The Aftermath

After coming out of the rain, now what?

I know I have been tainting my blog with forlorn accounts of my broken heart. Now, I’m rising up on to my feet again. To say that I am perfectly 100% okay is a pretense. But I know I am getting there.

I am starting anew. I’m turning on a new leaf. A realization illuminated me that I practically squandered the entire Year of 2004 on him and my miseries. But it’s not his fault. It’s mine. I am responsible for my own emotions. If in any case that I felt angry, hurt, upset or depressed – I still own these feelings. I am accountable for their presence in my life.

Now that the blizzard is over, I am actually quite thankful that it happened. What happened, has already happened… It probably was meant to happen. Nothing in this world is by accident.

Little by little, I am beginning to see the rainbow. After embracing the pain, I discovered the gifts that came along with my heartache:

The gift of Experience. It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Never have I expected to love and feel for a man, the way I did with him. It was a surprise. And it was beautiful – no matter how short-lived. Looking back, I have nothing to regret because I loved to the fullest. A love like this can never be found everyday. I’m happy it came along my way.

The gift of Character. This indeed is a character-building exercise. It immerses me to a different level of experience that brought along valuable (and painful) lessons on humility, strength, dignity, perseverance and faith.

The gift of Inner-Peace. By letting go and forgiving – I have achieved inner-peace. I am proud of myself for harboring no bitterness nor resentment towards him who broke my trust… my love… my heart.

The gift of Expression. With the emotional turmoil I got myself into, I needed an outlet to vent the tenebrous bedlam from within. Thus, unleashing my knack for writing, with which I have long kept under wraps. This blog would not have been created if not for this. Truly this is one of my prized gifts ever.

The gift of Love. Just because someone rejected my love, does not mean I am entirely unlovable. Never have I realized the vast of wealth I posses - in my family and friends. They have lavished me with their support, patience, understanding, and most of all, love. They are my constant reminder that there is so much more to live for. Yes, life is beautiful.

The gift of Hope. Moving on sounds easier said than done. But it has to be done. One broken love does not mean the end of loving. It takes great amount of faith to believe in that silver lining. And much greater effort to act, as though it is soon come.

The gift of Him. This has reinforced my need to run and seek for God’s help. It has drawn me closer to Him. Thus, fortifying His Lordship in my life – Whose love is far beyond compare. He, who is steadfast. He, who will never leave me. He, who is the true lover of my soul. In Him I entrust my everything, my love life included.

The storm has ended. I can feel the warm sunbeams now slowly seeping into my heart!

Monday, January 03, 2005

Photo Testing

Originally uploaded by Rhyanne.
I have been trying ways and means to attach pictures in my blog.

Well here's another brave attempt. My nth attempt ... I lost count but here goes nothing.


Hope it works this time.