Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Here Comes the Twist.. Errr, The Groom

Ex Boyfriend is getting married. Heard the news over the weekend. And since the news was broken to me, I received several queries asking me, “How are you”… How am I? I’ve got two answers.

If the person asking me is a friend closer to my ex than me – I reply nonchalantly, telling them that I am happy for him and I wish him well. And in all honesty, I truly am happy for him. I hope for him nothing but the best. I hope that he has finally come to know the true meaning of love. I hope he now knows how to love, to give, to compromise, to sacrifice. I hope the marriage they will build is anchored on love, trust and respect. May he love his wife with a deep, passionate and devoted kind of love – only for her.

But if the person asking me is a friend closer to me, I’d let down my guard and tell them that I am happy for him and I wish him well … but of course I am not fine! I am sad. Not because I still have feelings for him, and his marriage finally seals the end of our chances. No. I have no inch of a feeling for him. I am sad, practically out of pride.

He is getting married. He is moving to another chapter. He has elevated, promoted on to a different level now. While me, I am still single, unattached and living all alone. Compared to him, it makes me look like I am stuck in the forlorn pit.

But then again, who cares about what other people think? What matters most is what I think and what I feel. Screw to what they may think. I do not need to have a man to prove to them that I have indeed gotten over him. Having a man to “complete” me is totally nonsense. I am complete on my own. I need no man to define me, nor my happiness. Sure, I’d like to be with someone someday. But this is not the only important thing in life. Having that “special someone” is like an icing on the cake. A bonus. A sweetener.

Besides, I have no feelings anymore for him. I have moved on. (I’d rather think of my “carrot” than him) Whether married or single, it does not matter to me at all, specially after knowing the fact that he has an illegitimate child from some other woman. No, not his fiancĂ©. And not from the lady I caught him with before. A different lady – who as per credible source, got pregnant while my ex and I were still together. And surprise, surprise! I found out just recently as well. (Funny, how my past is catching up with me right now) When I learned about this, everything was in a blur. Our past, our relationship, our love – was all a lie! After discovering that there was not one, not two, but three of us then – I wanted go back in the past and re-write everything. I cried, I grieved, I mourned - in vain.

How come I know all of these things just now? I think it was just a matter of timing. Probably God designed it to be this way. That experience, no matter how painful it was, made me a better, stronger and more mature person. Had I learned about it early on, that experience could have a different effect on me. I may have gotten over him so soon. But it could have embittered me as well – not only to him but to men in general, and to love in its entire spectrum.

Finally, questions have been answered; riddles solved; chapters closed. Meanings and explanations of what I deemed to be then unfair circumstance began to crystallize. While I know that not all questions in life will be answered, I realize that some will be answered in due time… on it’s opportune schedule. Discovering these truths just right now entailed me to buy some time to heal and recover. So that once these bitter realities are presented to me, it would not impress a far more pressing pain that it already has. Thus, when I heard this latest twist – I was not affected. I thought of nothing but recognizing how the end of us brought me a blessing in disguise.

Looking now at a different perspective, he’s getting married… He’s tying the knot. While I may be single still, but this means I am free!

Ahhh! The sweet scent of freedom!

2 comments:

Lanee Girl said...

geeeezzzzz! grabe na laki! ur better off without him jud!

BabyPink said...

ano ba, sis?! you're in a position a LOT of women would die to be in. you do NOT need a man to prove you are way better off than most people (especially the ex), the way i see it. be happy!:)