Monday, July 31, 2006

Long Distance Love Affair

Over the weekend, I met with a friend. So distraught with her current situation, she sought words of advice from a friend whose past relationships were long distance. … Me… And this is what I had to say:

Having gone through two intense serious long distance relationship... would you consider me as the expert? Through it all, I always thought it was perfect... or so I thought… Or at least from the initial stages of our relationship.

Ironic thing is I broke up with my first relationship when we had the chance to be together in the same city. We started the courtship process long distance. It was seamless. Technology was to our advantage. Email, cellphone, snail mail, telephone... All sorts of connection we did it. And despite the distance we felt we were bonded with love. No fights, no arguments. Perfect! But when we were together, we broke up. There were lots of things we discovered from each other that cannot be revealed despite all the technological access. We were not masking, but there are things that you have to see for yourself - habits, idiosyncrasies, mannerisms, etc. It was difficult. Insight: You need to spend time with that person first to get to know more of him/her.

My second relationship was with a long college friend, it was a friendship that blossomed into love. I felt comfortable and amenable in engaging the relationship with him - despite our distance, because I knew him ever since college. I know a lot about him more than I did with my first. It was also good. Despite our distance I felt secure. We also tapped the resources of technology and other forms of communication to be in touch with each other everyday. But we broke up because of another girl. Insight: Most of the men, need physical companionship. While we girls can bank on the emotional investments, men would need extra effort to be on that level.

It would be unfair for me to generalize my past experiences and compare it with someone else’s (and even my possible future relationship included – just in case). At best, I can only learn from them and apply the lessons learned. There is no quick and fast formula for a successful relationship. Distance or no distance, it boils down on how both you and your partner love, trust and respect each other. At the end of the day, it is not about the distance. It is about the love and the lovers.