Sunday, September 24, 2006

Another Hopeless Case

I only realized that I like him when I was at the airplane. With nothing to do mid-air thousand miles from the ground, I looked at the pictures in my digicam... and when I looked at our picture, it reminded me of how we first met and how I felt about it.

I just realized it has been a long while since I felt this nice-happy-light feeling -after two years. So long a time, I almost forgot that this nice-happy-light feeling existed. Although I went out on dates in between those two years, but it was only this time again that I felt something once more.

But at the same time I am afraid. Admitting this feeling opens myself to vulnerability once again. Unsure if the feeling is mutual, I fear I might get disappointed and worse, rejected. Yet I know, as human as we are, we can never escape from pain. And if in case I get hurt from this experience, it's worth the try. I cannot contain wht this is I'm feeling, nor can I lie to myself. I cannot also afford to deprive myself from feeling happy. I have to let my inner child go out and be wild and free sometimes. Admittedly, I have caged myself on a hard shell to protect myself from getting hurt. A painless life I have lived... Painless but lonely.

As for us, I am well aware that our future together is very much uncertain. Hello, the distance and the time zone speak for themselves. But come what may. I live for the day, taking one step at a time. No expectations. And wherever the road leads us, even if it just takes us to a stagnant chummy bend - a pal or even just an acquaintance - I am thankful still because at least I have met one fine gentleman, who I can now call as my friend.


Edwin said...

such irony with your words... "painless but lonely"