Friday, February 15, 2008

A Groovy Kind of Love

I had a meeting marathon today. Jumping from one meet to the other, it does feel so exhausting switching thinking caps - as I pysche myself from the varied topics of our discussion. My brain feels like exploding from all the data processing. Not only that, my lungs is panting for more air, as I facilitated most of the discussion.

At the start of the day, there was a miscommunication of the room reservations. My first meeting got delayed. Then it got extended. Like tiles of a fallen domino , I saw my series of meetings replicating the first one. I had to postpone my last meet, lest I go home so late at night.

Going back to my desk, I saw the floor almost empty.

Ahhh... valentine's day. Everyone is out already for their dates.

My peers kid me if I purposely scheduled my team evaluation on valentine's day to join me in misery. But what to do? That was the only available day left in my calendar.

I recalled my last year's valentine. A mystery man sent me a beautiful boquet. After one year, mystery unsolved. I wondered if he would drop by again. But he did not. Then again, his gesture was good enough to address a particular need I had that time. Back then, I prayed to God and asked for a sign of hope. The flowers were a sign. Through His provision, my query was answered. I have a rosy future to hope for and to look forward to... The flower giver remains anonymous. Because the point of the issue were the flowers and not the giver. It served its purpose.

Nevertheless, the quick trip back to memory lane brought nostalgia in the air. Not to mention the sight of flowers in some of my officemate's desk. Somehow, no matter how composed and contented I think I am with my present single loveless state, I cannot deny a pinch of loneliness in my heart.

Lord, what's your message of love for me this valentines?

Exhaling out a deep sigh, I sat on to my chair as I gathered the feedback evalation forms of my team. One by one, I browsed through their comments (or shall I say reactions) from their evaluation.

Mist filled my eyes until it dropped to tears... Tears of joy. I am deeply touched by their reactions.

"I am glad to have her as my superior. She empowers me to be all that I can be."

"She is my benchmark in everything I do. I want to be like her someday."

I never expected to have their comments in this form. It was their evaluation. Not mine. But somehow I got the affirmation, which perhaps I needed at that time. I felt loved.

Yes, I felt I was embraced with love by their words and by their comments. My heart is beaming. I love my team. And I would do anything for them. There are moments that I want to give up with my work. But as I look at them, I see their passion, their determination, their thirst for learning. And so I get up again and continue with the fight. It feels heartwarming to know that they acknowledge and appreciate the things I do for them. And despite our little age difference, I feel like I am a mother and them - my kids.

Aahhh... So this is love? And yes, it feels good. Really good. Genuine concern,
deep compassion, selfless commitment - seeking the best interest not for my own but for them.

Lord, thank you for your Valentine message. Thank you for opening my eyes to realize a different kind of love.

I look out the window and see a quite a few couples flocking their way in to a mall nearby. Valentine dates. Theirs may be a differnt kind of love. Genuine? or Superficial? True love? or Lust of the Flesh? I don't know. But one thing for sure, the kind of love I have discovered right now is something real, rare and unique.

Happy Valentines day!

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Supernatural Powers

If there’s a supernatural power I wish I could have right now – that would be the ability to freeze time.

I look at my planner and half of my to-do list is highlighted in yellow, signaling me that I still have an excess of pending things way past my target deadline!!! And this still does not include my personal errands. And oh, how much I hate missing deadlines and deviating from my planned agenda!

Coming from a series of road shows, regional cascades and business trips, plus church activities, group outings and get-together, I feel like everyone has a piece of me but myself. In my dire need for a personal bonding time with myself I look at my calendar and the only vacant slot that remains is already in March. Even my weekends are fully booked. Amidst my busy schedule and people-filled activities - I miss myself.

Oh sun, be still. With my mounting tasks (and counting…) to finish, I am in dire state. I am a juggler, an acrobat, a fire fighter, a racehorse jockey. Unfortunately, I am no super hero.

Am I complaining? I am sorry. I do not want to complain. I should always carry a positive attitude of praise and thanksgiving in my heart. My work is a gift. At least I have a job. My friends are gifts. They are treasures. My time is a gift. And yes, I should apportion a piece of that gift for myself too.

I may not be a super hero, but I am a princess (deep in my heart I believe I am!). Grace under pressure. Breathe in, breath out. Relax. Chill. Serve the people with a smile. Ask help from my Heavenly Father, the King, to help me manage my schedule…. Daddy, will you please help me?

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Work Life Balance

First week of my work in 2008 and I have already broken my New Year’s resolution to go home from work before 8:00 PM. After one month, the chain continuous.

I am a hard worker. I am told that many are inspired to see the passion I have for my job. I do not do things just for the sake of doing it. Everything I do has got to be of value and of meaning to me. An officemate even once described me as a panther with my ways at work.

Although I just realized today over lunch that at some point my love for my job is leading me towards an unhealthy lifestyle. Thanks to Sherleen who rocked my boat.

Sherleen: How’s your vacation plans?

Me: Umm, there are some requirements I still need to fix and get.

Sherleen: Didn’t you plan to fix them a year ago?

Me: Well, I got no time. Am so busy with work I am left with no choice but to postpone it.
Sigh! It’s always like that. In my calendar, the things that always get to be sacrificed are my personal agenda.

Sherleen: Wait, wait wait… Don’t you think it should be the other way around? It is your life we are talking about. Shouldn’t you manage your LIFE more than your job? Shouldn’t you give more priority to your personal life?

Then there was silence…

Slowly digesting her words, while I slowly sipped on my lemonade, I felt the citric acid gushing through my throat staright to my brains. Working on like a citrus bleach on my clouded, over-worked and rusty-stained brains, I felt illuminated. It is like all this time I was facing a wall which I never knew was there.

I recalled my statement. Hearing myself for the second time, made me ask, “Where was I all these time?” Have I hinged my identity on my work? Do I work to live? Or do I live to work?

As I think about it, I felt I have sacrificed some of the simple things that give me pleasure in order to give way for my work like blogging, reading, crafts, and scrapbooking. But not only that, but even essential personal errands like going to the bank, picking my clothes from the laundry, paying my bills on time and the likes.

Oops! Which reminds me, I need to settle my bills right now before interest rates get higher any further, and until work beckons. Got to go….