Friday, February 15, 2008

A Groovy Kind of Love

I had a meeting marathon today. Jumping from one meet to the other, it does feel so exhausting switching thinking caps - as I pysche myself from the varied topics of our discussion. My brain feels like exploding from all the data processing. Not only that, my lungs is panting for more air, as I facilitated most of the discussion.

At the start of the day, there was a miscommunication of the room reservations. My first meeting got delayed. Then it got extended. Like tiles of a fallen domino , I saw my series of meetings replicating the first one. I had to postpone my last meet, lest I go home so late at night.

Going back to my desk, I saw the floor almost empty.

Ahhh... valentine's day. Everyone is out already for their dates.

My peers kid me if I purposely scheduled my team evaluation on valentine's day to join me in misery. But what to do? That was the only available day left in my calendar.

I recalled my last year's valentine. A mystery man sent me a beautiful boquet. After one year, mystery unsolved. I wondered if he would drop by again. But he did not. Then again, his gesture was good enough to address a particular need I had that time. Back then, I prayed to God and asked for a sign of hope. The flowers were a sign. Through His provision, my query was answered. I have a rosy future to hope for and to look forward to... The flower giver remains anonymous. Because the point of the issue were the flowers and not the giver. It served its purpose.

Nevertheless, the quick trip back to memory lane brought nostalgia in the air. Not to mention the sight of flowers in some of my officemate's desk. Somehow, no matter how composed and contented I think I am with my present single loveless state, I cannot deny a pinch of loneliness in my heart.

Lord, what's your message of love for me this valentines?

Exhaling out a deep sigh, I sat on to my chair as I gathered the feedback evalation forms of my team. One by one, I browsed through their comments (or shall I say reactions) from their evaluation.

Mist filled my eyes until it dropped to tears... Tears of joy. I am deeply touched by their reactions.

"I am glad to have her as my superior. She empowers me to be all that I can be."

"She is my benchmark in everything I do. I want to be like her someday."

I never expected to have their comments in this form. It was their evaluation. Not mine. But somehow I got the affirmation, which perhaps I needed at that time. I felt loved.

Yes, I felt I was embraced with love by their words and by their comments. My heart is beaming. I love my team. And I would do anything for them. There are moments that I want to give up with my work. But as I look at them, I see their passion, their determination, their thirst for learning. And so I get up again and continue with the fight. It feels heartwarming to know that they acknowledge and appreciate the things I do for them. And despite our little age difference, I feel like I am a mother and them - my kids.

Aahhh... So this is love? And yes, it feels good. Really good. Genuine concern,
deep compassion, selfless commitment - seeking the best interest not for my own but for them.

Lord, thank you for your Valentine message. Thank you for opening my eyes to realize a different kind of love.

I look out the window and see a quite a few couples flocking their way in to a mall nearby. Valentine dates. Theirs may be a differnt kind of love. Genuine? or Superficial? True love? or Lust of the Flesh? I don't know. But one thing for sure, the kind of love I have discovered right now is something real, rare and unique.

Happy Valentines day!