Sunday, November 23, 2008

Inside My Chocolate Box

"Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get."  - Forrest Gump 

It has been ages since I last blogged.  The twist and turns in my life have been raucous – that led me to cave in for a while.  I wanted to be in denial of my situation, or shall I say situations.  The mere thought of the chocolates in my box, brings me hyperglycemia in anxiousness and in some cases, trepidation.

Although am now starting back to blog, it does not mean that life is now sweet.  It just means that I am now beginning to acclimatize myself to the varying shocks and surprises of my life’s chocolates.


Almond Crunch Chocolate - “Nuclear Bomb”

Talk about prime-time family drama.  My worst nightmare came alive. Yes, we have problems – as other normal families.  But I never thought we could be this dysfunctional.  But what can we do? We are a family.  We have to make it work.  I had to be strong for my parents.  It was tough, trying to uphold both my father and my mother.  I was almost at my breaking point.  Being the eldest is hard.  The burden can be heavy.  But it is a privilege. This has made me realize how much I value my family, and yet how I used to take it for granted.


Milk Chocolate Truffle - “The Crib”

I have been so accustomed to my bachelorette lifestyle.  I work till I drop.  I go home only to sleep.  A pitcher of water is the only thing in my refrigerator. 

Then came my little sis.  She has come to study here in the big city.  Now I have to share my space with someone. I have to ensure that my ref has food for her to eat anytime she’s hungry.  Not only that, I have to spend time to be with her. 

At the onset, I had to go through some adjustments from being responsible for myself alone, to being responsible for someone.  This is a good thing, I think.  I have been so comfortable living alone, to the point of almost loving the life of solitary existence. My sister’s presence is a sweet chocolate for me.  She has grounded me to the reality that life is sweet if you are with someone you love and care for. (Hmmm is this a prelude to something much sweeter in the future?)

White Chocolate –“White Waters” 

More than just transferring to a new department, I took a career shift.  I felt stressed out and burnt out that I wanted a fresh breathe of air.  I just wanted out from the commercial side of the business that I grabbed on to whatever I can hang on. 

I thought the switch would be a walk in the park. Wrong!  Although I am still in the same company, I found myself to be in a completely different environment.  I feel like I am a salt-water fish, trying to thrive in a new fresh water environment.   It is discombobulating.  It is literally rocking my world right now.  Tension and stress is building up on me – something I hoped to avoid from where I came from. I was certain and sure of the switch, when it was offered to me.  But I find myself occasionally doubting my decision.  Was it a good move?  Although I am now in fresh waters, I realized it still belongs to the same bigger body of water…. But then on the second thought, could it be the fish and not the water after all?


Chocolate Truffle – “The Best Is Yet To Come”

Amidst all these craziness, the thing that keeps me afloat is the assurance that something greater will come out from this.  I believe that things happen for a reason.  The accumulation of all these events in my life has led me to be humble and helpless, keeping myself on my knees – praying.  God is bigger than all my problems combined.  I look at this as a faith-building exercise, believing that at the culmination, something great, and big, and sweet is going to come out from this. 

I still have not mastered the art of tenacious and steadfast faith. I am still wading through the whole gamut of things.  I know where the right perspective is, but sometimes I can’t help to focus my views on the tactical stuff. 

Everyday is a struggle.  Everyday is a constant conscious effort to angle my views on the bigger perspective.  Everyday I process my thoughts, I try to empty myself and renew my mind.   It is a process.  It is a journey.

Yes, life is like a box of chocolates.  You may never know what you are going to get.  But the element of surprise is what makes it more exciting, more exhilarating … And hopefully, in the end you have come to save the best for last.




BabyPink said...

happy holidays, sis! :)