Thursday, April 09, 2009

Turning Around

These past few months I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. It's like a dark cloud has hovered over me. Harassed by demands and deadlines; bruised by worry, adversity, and failure; broken by disillusionment, I was living in between dull discouragement and sheer panic.

I do not like the person I am becoming. I want to get out of the mold. I want to change - to be a better person. I want to find myself .... again.

Sure, I am rising my way to the top. But I am not as happy as I expected to be. Why? Because I am too focused on the destination, I failed to enjoy the journey. Too focused on perfection, that I viewed failures as a dead end, rather than a detour that leads to a better and more exciting adventure.

The things that I pursued in the hopes of making me happy, are the very things that make me miserable. My goals and aspirations are genuinely good. There is nothing wrong with them, neither are my motives. What makes it bad is my grip on these objectives. So passionate I am with my causes, I got myself attached - to the point of making things personal.

But today I am making a choice. I choose to be positive an happy, let loose and even let go. There are more important things higher than my trivial pursuits. So, is this how it means to "walk by faith"? The journey starts now.

Walking by faith will not change my circumstance, but it will change me by showing me to rely not on my own, but on God's wisdom and provision. He knows what's best for me, more than I do for myself. And should things start to shake, faith will give me the tenacity to hang in there. Faith gives me the fortitude to endure things around me. Faith is confidence in the fact that God is at work and He is with me, every single step of the way.


BabyPink said...

God knows best. and, everyday, we are all given different choices-- to be happy and stay happy or not, to be nice or not, to spread love or not, to walk by faith or not... it's all up to us. i know you'll make the right choice everyday.:)