Monday, September 21, 2009

All the Single Thirties

I already turned thirty around three months ago. But I am not alone. Most of my friends too are either just have turned thirty (like me) or just about to. Birthdays are expected and the annual age increment is but a normal predicament. However, from the vignettes of anecdotes I encountered, there is something about hitting the big three-zero. It is somehow monumental, as it signifies another milestone in ones life. Nevertheless, turning 30 can be emotional - specially if you are a woman and if you are still single.

I have seen enough tears, heard enough heartaches, conversed enough pep talk for me to conclude about this phenomenon of the single thirties. Yet even I struggle to encapsulate it into a definitive sentence. It is an enigma of its owJustify Fulln. All the fears and insecurities while one is about to turn 25 pales in comparison to being 30.

Basing from the trend that I have seen and even experienced myself, the emotional accompaniment of turning 30 is like a taboo, a hidden secret locked within the hearts of many ... until it suddenly bursts out in rage, forcing a downpour at the most unexpected timing. Call it exaggeration, but it happened to one of the ladies I know. The bewilderment of this mixed emotions sometimes acts like a silent stalker. You do not know that it is there. It follow you like a shadow. You begin to feel the blues: sad, depressed, insecure. The sadder part is you do not know why. You see yourself crying for no apparent reason. And the thought of this makes you want to cry all the more. You look at your life and begin to question the decisions you have made in the past. You recount your accomplishments, you wonder if you have already achieved something great and worthwhile? Then you look at your current life and ask yourself where you are heading next. Do you like the vision of your direction? Most importantly, do you know where you are going?

As if that's not enough, for most single ladies (like me), they cry over our unfulfilled dreams of walking down the aisle in a white gown and a veil. Most of them grew up in a society that espouses a culture of settling down before 30. Don't get me wrong here. While they are happy being single and content with the situation they are in, there is just no other perfect timing to reminisce their childhood love story fantasies (not to mention compare themselves with the married peers, or worst the married ex) but on the days just before their 30th birthday. More than just longing for love, I guess the thought of marriage is like a trophy, a status symbol... An accomplishment on its own. An accomplishment still unticked from their bucket list. And so t feel sorry, they feel they have accomplished nothing.

This is a very classic experience. I call this the single lady's 30th birthday blues. Aside from its symptoms most ladies are not even aware of it. They may also deny its existence, even to themselves. But their puffed eyebags and grouchy mood swings betray their claims.

After sporadic coffee talks with different ladies on several occasion, I begin to notice the collective pattern. What a relief to know that what I went through is not an isolated case. It is normal and there is nothing wrong with it.

But the greatest relief comes from soon discovering that being 30 is actually fun, fantastic, and fabulous. It is in fact surprisingly much better than being 20. The fear of 30, alluding it to be boring, dull and old is absolutely a myth. When I was young, I lauded 25 as the life's turning point, the mark of one's maturity. Boy, how much did I put too much pressure on that stage? If 25 is great, 30 is even greater!

Now on my third month of being 30 I have soon discovered that I am more confident than ever. I have come to know myself more - my strengths, my weaknesses. Things are clearer now. I know who I am and what I want in life. There is this newfound confidence that makes me claim that I have matured in wisdom ... I have come of age ... and yes, I am happy.

Being single at 30 does not scare me at all. I realize I still have a full life before me. And definitely I am still youthful and young... Young enough to fall in love, old enough to make the right choice. Although I have to admit that finding a partner at 30 can be a little bit more challenging. Like in my case, I have come to know myself more. I can no longer content myself to settle for less. I used to be so fed up with some people telling me that I have high standards e. Five years ago, I would deny it. I may look and act intimidating but little do they know that beneath that facade is a girl. I may be worth something but I would shrug the standards away and fall for any Tom, Dick, and Harry that would shower me with attention and make me feel special... I am not difficult to woo. I fell too fast, I felt too much, only to realize in the end that they are knights in tin foils and not in shining armor after all.

Now, at 30, I have come to know my worth. I realized how people are right in saying that I should have standards. If a man wants me, he has to meet the standards. He has to step up , say it and show it. If he thinks I come at a cost, well, he must be willing to pay the price. He has to show that he can afford me - and I do not just mean monetary maintenance, but more: emotionally, socially, intellectually and spiritually. Unlike before, I cannot make excuses for the guy anymore. I cannot just lower my stakes for him. I do not want a boy, I want a man ... So he got to stand up and be a man ... Catch me, if he can.

Does any single and available man like him exist? ... Let's wait and see... One thing for sure, he is worth the wait. I already waited for him for 30 years, no harm in waiting a little bit more (but hopefully sooner!) ... But what if he does not come, it is still perfectly fine with me. I am completely happy - contented and complete on my own. Besides, I have Jesus, my true lover of my soul. Everything will be all right.

To all my single 30 friends, we are in for a greater ride! ... Live, love, learn!