Saturday, October 16, 2010

Twisted Reality

Let me tell you of a sad, sad reality... I am actually living in a fantasy world, where he is mine and I am his.  Yes, this is a sad and secret reality.  

I haven't told my friends, haven't changed my status in facebook.  In fact, I even changed my profile pic with a picture of Munchkin and me, back in our happier days.  I have not told them, and still no plans in telling them.  As I am not yet ready to face the world.  I just cannot believe it is over.  I thought that time for us would last a lifetime. But only to realize that it was only for a borrowed period of time. 

When I asked him if he was prepared to lose me, his replied that he was prepared to fight for me.  Spoken like a true knight in shining armor.  However, somewhere along the fight, something went amiss.  I know he tried his best.  But I guess he got all too bruised and worn. tired and frustrated, he must have felt this is a battle he does not want fight anymore.  

It is complicated.

And although we parted ways and bid each other goodbye, deep inside I still cannot let go.  My mind tells me, "Fool, forget him."  But my heart is saying, "Don't let go.  Hold on until the end."  Mind versus heart.  And the heart is winning by a far stretch.

How I wish I can rewind time, back in the days when we still have each other.  Or somehow fast forward to the future, in the hopes of having him there.   The present reality is such a nightmare.  And so now I live in my dreams, where the reality of our love still exists, fresh and alive.

I am praying, hoping and asking God that after this respite, my Munchkin will come back like a true knight in shining armor and fight the ugly reality, then kiss me and make my dreams come true.

And as I wait, I lay my head to sleep and to dream.  Good night and sweet dreams to me.