Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Worlds Apart



Sometimes, understanding how love works feels more like rocket science than romance.  It is confusing enough that both couples, coming from Mars and Venus, not only speak different languages but also think, feel, and view things differently.

It is a well known fact that men cannot multi-task (sadly except for some with women!) and when they are facing some difficulties they prefer to shut down their world, process on their own and hide in their caves.

In the meantime, women face the issue differently and would prefer to let all emotions out.  Otherwise, like a bubble they will burst.  There is a psychological relief in ranting (hey, that’s why I am back in to blogging right now).

On happier days, the couple can seem to establish common language and live through the dynamics and excitement of their differences.  However, in the midst of the storm, that’s the time where communication line breaks down and their natural tendencies of their mother tongue becomes more dominant.

We had a petty fight.  So petty, that I cannot even remember the root cause of the fight.

However at that time, Munchkin was in a very rough patch.  He was besieged with a lot of stress and pressure at work and in his project of building a house (our future home – supposedly?). After our squabble, he felt that our fight is too much for him to handle. He said he has got no time to deal with relationship issues right now. He has therefore asked for some space and a time off. He told me that he is "beginning to doubt why we are still seeing each other."

I said “fine” and at first pretended that it was all right.  Actually it wasn’t.  I felt hurt and betrayed that he doubted our relationship.  Does this mean that he has been doubting all this time?  How about in the future, will he ever doubt again?  What if we are married, will he doubt why he married me?

Here am I again, thinking and over analysing the situation.  I should just let him be and allow him to wallow with his miseries in his cave.  But what about me?  What about my feelings? Who is looking after my feelings?

I love him.  I hate him.  I love him again.  I hate myself.  Oh, what a messy situation.  Is this love?  I hate love.

But then, I realized the essence of love.  It is about giving than receiving.  It is more about understanding than to be understood.  It self sacrificing.  It seeks for the best for the other person.

Yes, I love him.  I want to show him my support and care.  But he seems distant and he is shutting me off.  So in my silence, I will wait and pray for him. 

Yes, I love him.  I want to be the girl that stands by him, especially in his darkest hour.... I want to be the girl that holds his hands and hugs him and tells him that, “everything is going to be all right.”

And by the time he is ready to get out of his “cave”, I hope that he sees me and with smile, he would say, “That’s my girl.”

Monday, April 04, 2011

The Sound and Smile of a Broken Heart



It hurts the most to feel your heart breaking.  As I felt my heart being torn apart, all the pieces fell to the ground.


No one can hear the shattering of the pieces of my broken heart.  But to me, it is very deafening.


Nevertheless, I get up.  I put my lipstick on and smile.


I want to be the woman who smiles, even if her heart is broken. And the one who can brighten someone else's day, even if she cannot brighten her own.


I miss him.  Does he miss me?


"Love hopes for the best; Endures the worst" (1 Corinthians 13:7)