Sunday, February 12, 2012

Like a Rose

It is the weekend before Valentine's day.  Walking around the city, it did not take me long to notice that obviously the festivity of love has literally painted the town red.  And not only that, the city centre is in bloom with different stalls of flower shops flourishing numerous varieties of flowers.  Such a sight to behold.  

But amongst the vast array of flowers in display, I realized that the rose is still the quintessential queen of valentine. If love is flower, it would have to be a rose.  It is bittersweet.  But amidst all its thorns, the pinnacle is graced with its soft, delicate, aromatic and gentle glory.  The beauty and the elegance of its bloom triumphs over its multitude of thorns, that which draws one's attention to the flower itself and shifts the focus away from the prickly thistles... Until you get cut, bruised and pricked.

Different people have different responses to the jab and the sting of the thorn.  The differentiating factor can be fathomed through the level of commitment.

Commitment these days is such a rarity.  On an average, 50% of marriages worldwide, end up in divorce.  And the reason is the lack (or lack of understanding) of commitment.  

Commitment is the actualization of that vow to stay together for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer.  It extends beyond making oneself exclusive to the other.  It is sticking to each other - no matter what.

Commitment is holding on to one another despite the thorny bush, knowing, believing, and trusting on each other, willingly going through the midst of the eye of the storm - together.  Commitment is pressing on towards the journey despite the pain and obstacle. Commitment means that at times, you can be selfless enough to make your partner's needs more important than your own.  Commitment means being able to extend forgiveness including the gravest offenses made by the other.  Commitment means that you love your partner so much that you are able to make their needs more important than your own and you are prepared to be occasionally be in a state of discomfort for the sake of their comfort.

All couples go through various peaks and valleys.  How both parties stay committed and devoted to the relationship and to each other (the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly) is indeed challenging, especially when the early spark and enthusiasm of the relationship has waned.  Commitment is the engine that drives the love, when the initial euphoria of feeling in love has faded, and when reality of relationship steps in.

Commitment is a personal process.  Unfortunately for some, commitment is dependent on emotions and the use the ebb and flow of their emotions, such as their happiness, as the gauge whether to stay or leave the relationship.  

This to me explains why, going back to the statistics of divorce, the numbers are driven mostly by first world countries. And am pretty sure the figures would go even higher, if we segregate the wealthy couple (i.e. those in Hollywood), because at a touch of slight discomfort sadly only a few would stay on and persevere.   Whilst the majority, especially those who are used to get what they want, call for first aid, wrap their fingers in plaster cast and ditch the relationship for good.  This to me is a sad, sad reality.

Yes, love is like a rose.  Remove the flower, and the plant will be nothing but a thorn bush.  On the contrary, no matter how many times we multiply the thorns a hunderfold, as long as the flower is still there, it will still be called a rose.

Commitment is like holding a rose. We may get pricked, and we we bleed. But we hang on, because when the rose is pressed in between two lifetimes, it lasts forever.  

Even if love is full of thorns, I would still embrace it, for I know that in between those thorns, there is a rose that is worth all the pain.