Wednesday, March 28, 2012

One Last Cry

I feel like I want to cry.

I may be tempted to ignore and try to forge past the pain of my heartbreak with shopping, gallons of rocky road ice cream, and rebound dates.  But this is a cowardly approach. Its benefit can only be temporary and unsustainable.

If I go on shopping, I will be forever in debt and loose my future savings.  If I gobble up gallons of ice cream that would be unhealthy.  This would leave me overweight, bankrupt and single.  And definitely no rebound relationships/dates.  That would be unfair and cruel, most especially to myself.  *Just even thinking about it makes me want to puke!*

It takes a lot of courage to be sad.  But with grieving comes increased awareness of what's truly important to you, whom you love and who loves you.

And so I just cry.

Research suggest that crying has the psychological benefit of lifting ones mood.  The Freudian theory is that it is beneficial to get feelings out, that if you let them fester, they can affect you physically and psychologically.  Crying can actually reduce the pain.

Personally, I feel like crying helps me release deep emotions than can never be expressed. After I cry, it makes me feel better. It has a magical calming effect on me. I feel emotionally cleansed afterwards.

No, I am not bipolar, manic depressive, nor am I addicted to a certain kind of sadness.  I just need to release the pain.

I think I just need my one last cry.

And as I write, this song from Brian McKnight says it all.  As if he wrote the song for me.

One Last Cry

My shattered dreams and broken
Heart are mending on the shelf.
I saw you holding hands standing so close to someone else.
Now I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone.

I'd give my best to you
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry.

One last cry
Before I leave it all behind
I've gotta put you out of my mind,this time
Stop living a lie.
I guess I'm down to one last cry.

I was here,you were there.
Guess we never could agree.
While the sun shines on you,
I need some love to rain on me.
Still, I sit all alone,
Wishing all my feelings were gone.
Gotta get over you.
Nothing for me to do
But have one last cry.

I know I gotta be strong,
But 'round me
Life goes on and on and on, and on
I'm gonna dry my eyes
Right after I have my one last cry.

Hopefully, this will be my one last cry.