Saturday, July 21, 2012

How to Kill a Mocking Bird

After putting Bluebird in the cage, I can still hear her faint chirp in the background. Poor dear old little bird blue, wants to go out and fly.  But, nah-ah! Its wings must be clipped and its beak must be sealed.  And it knows well too that it is safer to stay inside the cage.  Because it is the only option it has got left anyway.  So Bluebird now decides to cooperate with me, even if it is killing her.

Peace and quiet.

As I tried to bask myself in silence, I noticed another kind of sound.   Another bird is sitting by my window pane.  It subtly chirps at first making a melodious tune and slowly making a sly mesmerizing melancholic melody.  It whistles and flirts with Bluebird, tempting Bluebird all the more to get out of the cage.  This little bird by my window is a Mocking Bird.

With Bluebird’s silence, it has prompted Mocking Bird to take the center stage and commence a concert, passionately belting its tune with all of its heart.  With Mocking Bird at the cynosure, I hear a cacophony of voices. So audible, that I am able to dissect each of the voices.  I hear the soprano voice of fear, intimidation, anxiety, and doubt.  Then there’s the alto voice of “I’m not good enough”, “I am always a failure when it comes to love”, “There is no man but him in my life, and he has rejected me. Pity old me”, “I am totally hopeless”.  Not to mention the baritone voice of perfectionism, pessimism, and cynicism.

It took me a while to notice Mocking Bird.  I was oblivious to it because it has been with me all these time, I just didn’t know.  Its music has been playing on as far as I can remember that it blended so well in the background and I thought it was just but part of the normal landscape. I got accustomed to it.

I have also not noticed it, but all these time I was singing along with these voices whilst dancing to their rhythm.  Now with Bluebird in seclusion, I am left with nothing but Mocking Bird’s company.  Suddenly, Mocking Bird’s a cappella of voices went on concerto de accelerando. So loud that my head hurts and my soul bruised, rousing Bluebird in the cage and causing her to consider doing a jail break.

Stop!!! I must control the self, before the self controls me.  Like how I caged Bluebird, I must contain Mocking Bird. But this time, no cage for Mocking Bird because it does not deserve a space in my room.  Mocking Bird is stray vermin. It is an unwanted guest. Outside my windows, there it belongs.  I should stop entertaining and feeding it. Otherwise, to will grow so fat, overweight even, that its wings could not lift itself to fly far off from my windows.

Mocking Bird, I do not have to listen and talk to you anymore.  Whilst it may be fun, but doing so will destroy me in the long run.  It changes nothing, and it only steals my happiness and erodes my hope.  Sure I feel the pain, but it does not mean I have to nurture it and encourage it.  Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.  I have to break free from the mould.  I know this will entail extra energy for me to silence these voices, however I will lose more energy in the end if I keep on listening to these voices.

But how am I going to do this?  I mean, for the longest time Mocking Bird has been an invisible companion and its music has always been in the background.  Sadly there is no volume gauge where we can just press to the mute button.  Sure hope it is as easy as that.  It may be darn difficult, but still doable.

So now, how do I kill a Mocking Bird, and a giant one at that?  For starters, awareness is the key.  At least I know what I am up against with.  I can start by guarding the windows of my mind, and ensure not to allow any space of opening for Mocking Bird to come in.  This time, I am not obligated to open my windows anymore.  I am not in a way denying these thoughts, nor am I suppressing them.  I acknowledge their presence, but I do not have to dwell on these thoughts and even more so let them linger.

I know I cannot kill Mocking Bird by force.  But I can instead slowly poison it with the power of optimism, love, faith, and hope.  In the bible, Philippians 4:8 says it all, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

To kill Mocking Bird may be bloody hard.  But I will give it a try.  I know I can.  I shall.  I will.

Hush now. Silence in progress… (Hmmm, is that the cricket noise in the background?) 


MyEve said...

- oh I so luv reading this.. and can't wait how bluedbird fares from the onslaught of mocking bird's sweet force. life is interesting :)