Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Tipping Point

"The tipping point is the critical point in an evolving situation that leads to a new and irreversible development."

My tipping point happened over a week ago, one Sunday afternoon.  I spoke to a friend who shared with me that she just broke up with her husband of seven years.  When I heard the news, I cried.  Stories of other people's separation and divorce breaks my heart.  I can somehow empathize and I feel the crushing pain they must be going through.

But then this friend told me, "Honey, please don't cry.  You are crying more than I did.  Actually I feel relieved that it is over.  I am actually happier now."

When she said that, my tear glands froze.  I felt a bucketload of ice cubes poured over me.  This was my wake up call.

I saw happiness in her eyes as she told me those words.  It made me realize, could it be possible that "M" could be feeling that way too?  Relief.  How else?  Otherwise, he would have not left, he would have stayed and fought for us.  

Whilst I am thankful that he is happy, I felt shame and embarrassment for myself too. More than feeling embarrassed by knowing the fact that here I am yearning for a loose balloon, I feel more embarrassed for hindering that balloon to fly even higher in the sky.  If it wants to fly away, let it.

It made me realize as well, how I have been trying to fight so hard to prove and convince my two previous relationships that I am the right woman for them, and that I am willing to do what it takes to make "us" work...  I am tired of this.

If it is meant to be, it will be.  I do not have to sacrifice my dignity, for my destiny.  I want to be with someone who actually wants to be with me, someone who is not afraid to face the challenges with me, someone who is willing to go through the inconveniences in life just to be with me, someone who is willing to fight with me amidst life's difficult realities.  Because that someone sees my value and knows that I am far more worth than those challenges, inconveniences and difficulties. 

I want him to want me because he wants to, and not because I wanted him to. I do not have to do anything to convince him and prove myself to him, because he himself is convinced that I am "The One" for him. To him, I am not just an option, I am "The Choice". He sees my uniqueness, appreciates it and knows that there is no other woman like me.  And he will do whatever it takes to be with me.  He will pursue me.  He has to. Oh, I have to ensure that he will.  I can't sell myself too cheaply.   I want to see how much price he is willing to pay, just to be with me. I cannot promise that it will be easy,  but I promise to do my best to make it worthwhile.

Apparently, I am a great catch (saying it with confidence and conviction) ... So catch me if you can!!! ...