Sunday, December 08, 2013


Last Friday an ex-officemate visited town. I was glad to catch up with her. Despite the short notice, I rearranged my calendar to meet up with her. I miss Adelaide.  There will always is a special homey spot in my heart for Adelaide.  Any familiar face from Adelaide is good enough for me to feel that warm, fuzzy feeling.

She was one of the junior secretaries at my previous work whom I trained.  We only spent short time together, probably two to three months tops.  We both quit that job almost at the same time.  I relocated here in Melbourne, while she proceeded to go back to university and study full time.  Despite that short span of time together, we managed to remain in contact, here and now.

I was glad to play the gracious host and tour her around the city, according to the best of my ability, based on what little knowledge that I know about the city's ins and outs.... Which by the way, was limited!  But it did not matter.  What mattered most was that we were able to spend ample quality time together.

I am happy to see how vibrant she is and how she is enjoying her university life.  Aside from her scholastic activities, she is also actively involved in extra-curricular activities as a student volunteer and officer.  Observing her talk and looking at the glow in her eyes, I can tell that she is now much in a better state than when I first met her before.

When I first met her and worked with her she had personal issues and was filled with anxiety and depression.  She quit university precisely because of that.   I knew she is smart and intelligent and that she just needed a little encouragement and some nuggets of "coaching" for her to give university a second chance.   

I did not push the idea too much of making her go back to university.  She has had enough of that already from her parents.  Most of the time, I just listened to her and echoed her feelings and asked back some questions to help her think further about what she really wants in her life and the direction on which she wants to go.   In the end, I am glad she found her way back to university despite her strong hesitations.  But I am even more glad now to see her happy, glowing and inspired.

As we were about to leave and head home, I told her how happy I am to see her happy and how proud I am of her for going back and conquering her fears. I am really glad that she gave the pursuit for university a second chance.  Had she decided to stay with work, she will fail to discover this new brand of inspiration and she would not have met her new friends in school.

After dropping her off in her hotel and reaching home, I received a text from her.  I was a very heart warming message that really got me stunned. 

This is what she said: "It was great catching up with you.  I miss your words of wisdom.  Actually, I must thank you for your encouragement. If not for you, I would have not gotten back to university at all. I have to admit, you are my inspiration.  I want to be as happy with life as you are, so thank you!"

My heart swelled with both pride and humility.  I felt great satisfaction having made a positive impact on someone's life.  To inspire someone to be better ... What more can I say?  It is humbling and in a way also inspiring for me to be better than the person that I am right now.  

She mentioned about me being happy with life.... If only she knew... Little does she know about my personal issues and the struggles I keep to myself behind closed doors. I'm just a good actress. While most of the time I hum a tune of sunshine and lollipops in front of others, but when the show curtains come down,  I'm barely breathing, whilst multi-tasking between dodging all the lemons that life is throwing at me and pushing myself not to give up.

However, her statement hit me and sent a home run message right in the core of my heart.  As a perceived ambassador and inspiration of living a positive and happy life,   I need to walk my talk, practice what I preach and be truly happy with life - no pretense... I choose truth.  I choose happiness. I choose peace, so help me God.  

Sunday, December 01, 2013

Summer Parade

Today is officially the first day of summer.  Hello summer sunshine, I have been waiting for you.

Summer, my favorite time of the year.

Blue skies.

Endless sunshine.

Longer days.

Warmer evenings.

Summer dresses.

Strappy heels.

Alfresco lunches.

Parties in the garden.

Ice cream, popsicles and sundaes.

Life gets sweeter and better.

This summer, I have prepared a checklist of random things to do.  Things that I have not done in a ling while as well as things that I would not normally do.  Summer will just go by quick and I want to make the most of it.

Common Mr sunshine, let's celebrate happiness and good cheers!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Selah: Pause and Think of That

Today was a productive day for me.  I did nothing and that was what made it productive. I always keep a checklist in tow to keep me on top of things.  I want to drive my activities instead of my activities driving me.  Even on weekends and even at home I can never seem to run out of things to do.  There is always something to do.

I still keep my alarm on during weekends as I can never afford to sleep-in.  I Aside from giving me headaches - if I wake up past 8:30am (that's my maximum time limit) - I am also conscious of the fact that time, once spent, can never be taken back.  I want to maximize my weekend by waking up early and do things rather than spending my precious weekend hours by sleeping through.

However, in my quest for peace and tranquility, I  realized that I need a break from all of the hustle and bustle of activities. I refuse to be a slave of my mounting activities.  And so for today, I decided to press the "pause" button.    I realized that sometimes it is OK to do nothing.

So today, I gave myself a free cut.  No alarms, no checklists, no agenda.  I allowed myself to be wallowed into the empty space of nothingness and savor the passing moment.  

I still woke up at 6:30am even without my alarm clock.  I woke up to the soft beatings of the springtime rain and gentle whistle of the winds.  It was cool and windy.  Perfect bed weather weekend. I stayed in bed and enjoyed the comforts of my pillows and my soft duck-feathered doona.  In the stillness of that moment I stared at my room and reflected about this thing called life... 

My bedroom walls reminded me not to be confined within the four corners of this room.  There is a bigger life out there and I should not be afraid to conquer it. 

My ceiling reminded me that I can aim as high as I want.  The only person that is stopping me is me.  

My windows reminded me that blessings abound everywhere, everyday. I just need to keep my eyes open so that I would be able to see them and appreciate them even more.  

My bedroom door reminded me that I should never give up knocking the doors of heaven.  The bible says "Knock and it shall be opened."  In God's time, it shall indeed be open.  In the meantime, I should not give up on knocking. 

I lazed for a few more minutes, absorbing these lessons.  I needed more time to reflect, just as what by bedroom mirror is reminding me.  

When I decided that it was finally time for me to get up and conquer the rest of my free day, my bedroom floor also wanted to join the lecture and hinted that "When you fall, I guarantee that I will always be here." ... Humor me please. I shook my head and gave out a sarcastic laugh.  But before I could debunk that thought, I was reminded in all seriousness what a comforting feeling to know that I am never alone and that guaranteed there is always someone to catch me when I fall,  even far more than my bedroom floor. He is my God... Therefore, I should not be afraid to take that leap of faith because I can trust my God to meet me at the other side.

Wow.  What a powerful lecture.  I am amazed by how God can use even inanimate things to speak to us about wisdom in life, faith and hope.  And their message even become more voluminous if we detach ourselves from distractions and keep our silence.  

This experience reminds me of the word "SELAH".  It is a Hebrew word repeatedly mentioned 71 times in between the hymn of Psalms in the bible. Selah is a musical direction that denotes a momentarily pause in the hymn of Psalms as a breather for the instrumentalist/singers and at the same time stress the importance of the preceding verse.

I really enjoyed my "Do Nothing" Day. I enjoyed the rest of my day with a good coffee and a good book.   It was stress-free, peaceful and relaxing. I am surprised by this sense of great achievement even without having to do anything.  

Selah... I feel calm and re-energized.  I think today is the start of the many more future Selah's to be scheduled in my weekend calendar.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Spring Time Bloom

I am committed to finding my peace and pursuing it.

I have been silent in my blog because I was hibernating from myself.  Yes, from myself.  I took a break from thinking.  I needed it.  I basked myself in the silence of my mind.

My mind.  A beautiful thing.  So active, like a hurricane.  I tend to think about things a million of thoughts all at the same time.  Things that happened two years ago or something that happened two days ago, even things that happened two hours ago, including things yet unseen that may happen two years from now. I am a time traveler. My mind wanders off as high and as far as it can go.  Beautiful thoughts.  Awful thoughts.  Crazy thoughts.  All sorts of mixed bags of thoughts.

For every thought, there is a corresponding emotion attached to it. And so, I feel a mixed bag of emotions as well.  Beautiful emotions. Awful emotions.  Crazy emotions.  Not so good for me, especially when it comes to the sad and melancholic thoughts... 

Why be sad, when you can be happy?  

Over time, I have realized that I do not need to entertain all the thoughts that enter my mind.  No amount of guilt can change the past.  No amount of worry can change the future.  It is what it is.  

Thoughts are results of ones perceptions and interpretations of reality.  We see things as we are and not as they are.  We see what we look for,  we hear what we listen for. Whatever we focus on - expands.  The more we think about it, the more real it becomes.  Our thoughts shape our reality. 

"The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking.  It cannot be changed without changing our thinking" (Albert Einstein). 

Just like among other important choices I make in life, I need to select my thoughts carefully. The bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:5 to "take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ". Oh, be careful little beautiful mind of what you think.  And so now I am taking the step to make a conscious decision to think more about the blessings in my life than my problems.  

Winter is over.  Spring has sprung.  I am so excited to see the sunny sunshine. But before I can enjoy the summer glow I have to endure the spring rain.  Nevertheless, instead of complaining about the gray skies, I rather shift my gaze on the colorful flowers bloom. 

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Pink Visions

I am not a sickly person and yet again I was caught with a flu bug. I hate being sick.  I whine a lot and I become a sour baby when I do. Imagine if I am sick alone - I play a dual role of a whiny baby and a doting parent to myself.

My splitting headache was so terrible that my face even looked horrible.  I had no choice but to go home early from work.  On my way home while riding on the tram, my pounding headache was further aggravated by my complaints and questions about my sore throat, my achy joints and life in general.  

However, my internal ramifications was interrupted, as I felt conscious that  someone was staring at me.  I looked up and saw a lady with disfigured eyes.  I looked straight in to her eyes and it pierced my soul. She is blind but she had this most beautiful smile.  She could not see me but she gave me an eloquent message.

At that point, I did not know who is more blind between the two of us?  Me or her?  

Despite her condition, she bravely faces the world with a smile, not succumbing herself to a victim mentality.  She embraces all that she has and manages to live a cheerful life.  I looked at myself and realized that my vision may be normal but I am not seeing things clearly in life.  I have had my visions locked in far too long on my pain, frustrations and fears that I fail to see the small tiny blessings that comes along my way.

At that point, I felt humbled.  I am sick and tired of myself feeling sick and tired.

I sure do complain a lot. My flu bug is nothing compared to hers. This is a lesson for me to embrace life, seek peace and contentment as well as find reasons to celebrate even the smallest wins.  As they say life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

Winter is over and spring is here.  

A new season has sprung and I endeavor to embrace it with wholehearted gladness.  

Friday, August 30, 2013

The Ultimate Plan

Ever since I was young, I have always been a dreamer and a planner.  I set goals with milestone timelines and personal deadlines. Everything is timed.  calendars and clocks are part of my daily essential toolkit. I process my priorities and break them down further into graphs, charts and quadrants.

I want to be on top of things and take full control of any situation.  This is why I not only have a plan A but plan B and plan C as well. I want to cover all bases.   I plan in advance and do a situational forecasting to ensure that I weed out any elements of failures, disappointments and obstacles that may impede me in reaching the success of my goal.

My planning prowess has worked well for me inasmuch as finishing my studies in a prime university with the highest honors in our graduating batch. It has also led me to a stable and steadily accelerating career in a multinational company.  I became a manger and pioneered a new position and set up a new department with three people (older than me) directly reporting to me at the age of 25.  

Plan A was to continue in my rising career become an HR Business Partner and be happily married before I reach 35.  I was pretty much on track with my milestone calendar deadline, except when I turned 30.  And so I told myself that by the time I turn 30, I need to do something life changing - either I get married or migrate somewhere to live a new life.  Apparently, moving to Australia was easier than getting married!  

And so here I am in a foreign country daring to live out my "what if" question of starting a new and different life in a foreign world.  This was my Plan B.  In my plan B, I was prepared for a simpler life, especially when I met MunchK.  I was looking forward to settling for a domesticated life.  But then came a twist of an unplanned relationship breakdown.  I was caught off guard.  This was not supposed to happen.  For a time, I lived in denial until I managed to slowly accept reality.  Little by little, with great hesitation, I drew up my Plan C.

Plan C was to move to a bigger city, pursue a new passion - achieve the career of my dreams, go back to what I know I do best and that is climbing again the corporate ladder.  Forget about love (or at least park it for a while) and funnel all my attention and energies on building a career.  

However, as I look upon my current state, I am way far behind from any of the plans I have previously set for myself.  At age 34, I am starting back at the bottom again in a very humbling (literally and figuratively) and unsatisfactory work. From managing and leading a team as well as initiating corporate strategies, I am now serving everyone at work, doing menial errands, including cleaning the office kitchen, watering the office plants, etc.

The career field of my dreams are hostile to me.  I kept on knocking at their doors but no one would give me a break.  Sadly, beggars can't be choosers. So here I am - stuck in a dead end.  While I am grateful to at least having a job, I am unhappy and demotivated with my current work situation.  There is no career ladder for me to climb.  I was led to believe that there was one, but honestly I could not see any.  They say it is a career ladder, but frankly speaking the way I see it, it is but a see-saw.

And when I go home, I am but alone.  Bestie may be living with me now but so is her boyfriend, which to me is an unwanted guest.  When I offered my house to Bestie I did not mean to extend the invitation to her boyfriend. What should have been just a two week temporary visit for this guy is now turning to months and counting... with no plans of leaving anytime soon.  I am a bit unhappy with my home living situation.  For some reason, it feels like intrusion on my private personal space.  And so I spend most of my time in my room whenever I am home.  I am a prisoner in my own house. I feel bad for feeling this way towards him. I struggle with my emotions to make him feel welcome and be a hospitable host. Plus, I value my friendship with Bestie even more and so I keep my silence and praying for more patience and acceptance.  

I am unhappy both at work and at home.  I have no where to go.  I feel like living an insignificant existence running in circles, day in and day out. How long should I endure this kind of existence?  My present journey is like walking in a very dark and infinite tunnel with not even a glimmer of light to indicate any hope that there is an end to this tunnel. I wonder if there is any end to this tunnel at all?  I would always ask myself what life has to offer me when I grow older? Do I have a future? Is there something still to look forward to?  I feel like I am driving on reverse mode.

As doubts were beginning to fill my mind, like melodies from a mocking bird, hummingbird came to the rescue and reminded me in gentle and soothing tune  that this is just a phase which I am passing through. And through this journey, God is with me. I should not to focus too much on these temporary and changeable circumstances but instead fix my gaze to the eternal and unchangeable God.  God's love for me is true and His promises remain the same, they never change. 

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"  (Jeremiah 29:11)

Things may not seem to make sense, things may seem to go opposite to where I wanted to be, but my job is not to define nor analyze the situation.  My job is to trust him and to obey him.  If I say I trust Him, then I should also feel it and live it.  I need to let go of my incessant need to be in control of things, and instead let Him.  I need to relinquish my desire to plan and map out my foreseeable future according to my standards and my timelines, and instead trust Him do His work in His own time.  

As long as I am where God wants me to be, I am assured that I am in good hands.  Through the storm and raging seas, I will not drown for my anchor is the Lord.  I am absolutely at the point of my rock-bottom. I do not know how exactly I would be able to rise from here. With me, things are impossible but with Him, all things are made possible.  This moment in my life is God's opportunity for Him to slowly reveal the unfolding of His miracles in my life.  

I do not need to be on top of everything, because He already got it covered.  After all, He is the Ultimate Planner, Creator of heaven and of earth, Master of everything. And so I lay down everything to God - my past, my present, my future, my heartaches, my frustrations, my hopes, my dreams.  But this does not mean that I just sit down and do nothing but wait until things happen.  My job now is to surrender and embrace my present situation and bloom where I am planted, for in due season when the time is ripe, I shall reap the fruits of my labour in bountiful harvest - all through Christ who strengthens me. 

For the very first time in my life, at age 34, I have no plan.  I have nothing but faith in God that in His time, He will make all things fall in to place.  It is scary as I think of it,   but my heart is at rest.  Sometimes it is good to put down the map and get wonderfully lost.  That's what I call adventure.  Sometimes getting lost gives you a chance to be found.  That's what I call destiny.  

Thursday, August 08, 2013

Onward Bound

"How are you?" ... Ask me this question a couple of weeks ago, and I would have answered in outburst of tears.

I have come to the lowest point in my life, thus far.  The heartaches I endured before pales in comparison to this. 

I concocted this brilliant plan of focusing on my career to escape my broken past and build a new and stronger future.  I intended invest all my emotions into my work and channel all my passion in building my career.  However, things at work are shockingly disappointing. I can't even begin to describe it nor will I even attempt to. Writing about it would only magnify it and I do not want to immortalize my frustrations here in my page.  

To make the story short, I am not happy with my situation at work.   I want to quit, run away and escape from it all.  I want to feel that satisfaction of handing my resignation.  However, I got bills to pay and other obligations.  I can't afford this time to go back on to jobhunting mode again.  It is a terrible feeling being trapped in a situation where I have no choice. I feel like I am reduced to a rut of daily survival mode.  This is definitely not what I bargained for when I moved here.

Why am I here? What am I doing here? I am on my mid-30's and yet here I am back in square one again.  What have I done to my life?  What has life to offer me when I grow old? Is there any hope for me at all?  I look around but all I see is darkness. Pitch black. I looked at the mirror.  I see the marks of stress in my face.  I have lost my youthful glow.  I have stress zits.  I now look like a hag.  I feel ugly, just like my life... Yuck! 

I am exhausted.  I feel tired even if the day has just begun.  I feel like I have lost my will to live.  I wanted to give up this life. Then one Sunday afternoon, I prayed and asked God to take away my life.  I told him that I am ready and that He can take me anytime.  

Upon uttering that prayer, I felt a gentle tug in my heart. A still and soft voice whispered to me and said, "If you are to die because of your own will, let it be for love, in service to others or for standing on your principles.  Let it not be because you are tired to press on the journey.  Your life will be meaningless if you choose to die for such insignificant reasons, especially for those people that do not matter."

At that point, I broke down in tears.  I feel humbled by the fact that God has given me this gift of life, of which I have not only taken for granted but also forsaken.  I was embarrassed by the thought of others striving hard to fight for their lives and yet here I am, irresponsibly ungrateful for this gift of life.

It has been said that life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, but learning how to dance in the rain.  I wanted to ask God so many questions about my current life's turning points.  Why this, Why that ... But before I can go on, I stop myself because I can imagine God throwing back the question at me - why not?  I am reminded about my general purpose in life.  God is not after for my happiness.  He is more after for my holiness.  

James 1:2-4

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I believe there is a meaning and beauty behind all these things.  I know God loves me.  He knows what He is doing.  He has a greater plan and a bigger purpose behind all that is happening in my life right now. In His time, all the answers to my questions will be revealed. So even if I cannot trace His hands I just have to trust His heart.

Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

Romans 8:28 says "ALL things", not "some things", but ALL.  This is truly a faith building exercise.  Problems and pains life may actually be for our own protection.  Because it is through this that we learn to seek him and yearn for His truth.  Our desperation is God's opportunity, for when we have come to the end of the line, is where God steps in. I am treading on volatile grounds.  I feel like I am already close to the edge.  But I constantly remind myself not to be afraid for God is on my side and if I should fall, either of the two things will happen, either He will catch me when I fall or He will give me wings to fly!

And with that, I wiped away my tears and dressed up and took on the full armor of God with the buckle of truth around my waist, with the breastplate of righteousness together with the shield of faith and the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

I am slowly rising from the pit, standing with my shaky knees and feeble feet.   I do not know all the answers, but that's all right because God knows them and that's all that matters.  I may be small and weak, but my God is big and He is strong. 

2 Chronicles 20:15  

"...Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God’s."

Romans 8:37

" all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." 

Ask me now again, "How are you?"

My answer is nervous but confident, afraid but boldly hopeful, surrendered but victorious. 

Friday, July 12, 2013

Little Miss Intelligent

They say love is blind, or at least the lovers are.  Personally, I think it is true.  Love makes you see things on a rose-colored glass.  I don't know how it exactly works nor why this happens.  But like magic, love somehow gives you this supernatural power to make all things bearable.  Love makes you hope for the best and makes you endure even at the worst condition.  Love give you a different kind of eyesight. You see something that others normally don't and at the same time you fail to see what the others can.  

I am an intelligent woman. I got the brains that garnered me with the highest university honors out from our entire graduating batch.   But when I fall in love, my brains take the back seat.  My brain is pretty strong but my heart is even stronger. Thus, making this my weakness.  My achilles heel.  My brain is disciplined but my heart is wild.  When I love, I give my all and love with all my heart.  More often than not, I fall too fast, I feel too much.    And so it needs to be tamed.  This is why I am now exercising restraint.

Sure, I would like to fall in love again but I am still scared to subject myself to that place of vulnerability again.  My bluebird heart is still afraid to go out of the cage... Maybe when I feel like I am ready or who knows, if I'm lucky, maybe when the right man (who would go equally dumb-foundedly love struck with me as well and brave enough to pursue me, strong enough to help me fight my battles and patient enough to coach me to get out of my cage) comes along... whichever comes first... whenever... or probably never? 

I do not know what endless possibilities of the future may bring.  All I know is that for now, I just want to master and celebrate my intelligence.

And what's an intelligent girl got to do on a Friday night? ... Read a book or  probably plan out on how I can execute my dream of having my own consultancy business?  ... Hey, I said I'm intelligent but not that brave... not just yet.  Maybe someday I will be brave... and be in love... and still be intelligent.  Hahahaha! Oh yes, I am a dreamer.  Dream on little miss intelligent dreamer.

Friday, July 05, 2013

A Life Lesson Learned

It was a very windy and chilly afternoon. From our office window, I could hear the wind blowing its whistle. The winter weather brought along an overcast of gray clouds lining the sky.  It was dark and cold.  It is indeed what I call a "bed weather", where I would rather be comfortably snuggled in my bed, surrounded my my multitudes of pillows and covered by my duck feathered doona cover, than slaving myself at work, managing demanding deadlines and coordinating complex communication process flow.

Then just about by midday, the clouds parted for the sun to cast its rays. I can feel my energy slowly rising and it rose even higher when my office mate (Om) pointed a beautiful sight outside our window.

As I faced our window wall overlooking a tree-lined park with a view of the the CBD city scape I saw the rainbow peeking in between the clouds and sitting on one of the city building towers.  It was a sight to behold.  For a time, I held my breathe and felt a sense of peace.  

I love rainbows and sunshine. They remind me of a promise of hope after every dark clouds.  Sounds cliche but true.

And before I could go on feeling sentimental and reflecting about it, my reverie was interrupted as I heard my office mate's cellphone click.  She was taking a photo of the rainbow - which reminds me that I should do as well.

I looked for a strategic location that captures the best angle and highlights the best feature.  I bent backwards and forwards intently keen to capture the perfect shot that would justify what my naked eye has witnessed.  However, not before long the clouds came in, the sun shied away and the rainbow disappeared.

Me:  Oh no!  The rainbow disappeared.  

Om: At least you saw it with your eyes.

Me: But it was gone too soon and I did not even manage to take a picture.

Om: (looking at her desk with a pile-load if paper work)  It is just like happiness (looking back at the window), it does not last long. (saying it with a sad face, followed by a sigh).

I looked at her desk and I knew what she meant.  Trying to appease her, I tried my best to quickly find words to make her feel better.

Me: Yes, life can be like that but we can create our own rainbow as well.

Om: Wow, I will remember that.  Thanks, I feel better. (Saying it with a smile)

My office mate may have been impressed, but I am impressed even more.  I did not know where that came from.  My advice to her is the very advice that I need for myself as well.  I need to center myself and find my own inner peace that is not dependent on other people nor other external forces.  

This is what I call one of my life's teaching moment, where I learned a valuable principle in life in the middle of the dark gray winter clouds.  Now, that's powerful and shall I say, colorful, stuff.  I find it precious when out from a seemingly ordinary day, I happen to stumble upon life's teaching moment.  

Saturday, June 29, 2013

The Amazing Reality of Reminiscence

I wanted to blog but I do not know where to begin, lest what topic to talk about. And then just realized that my cozy little pink patio has recently turned 10 years old.

Wow.  How time flies so fast.  When I ventured in to this thing, I had no idea where it will bring me.  I did not expect that I would be able to maintain this for 10 years. I had my moments of silence in between and did a couple of site renovations.  But it seems like my Pink Patio is here for long haul.  Long live and prosper!

In commemoration of my Pink Patio’s 10-year anniversary, I paused for a moment and for the first time, I reviewed all my past entries since the very beginning…  Amazing!

What a journey it has been.  Some of my anecdotes amaze me to think how I could have managed to survive the phases of my life that I traversed on. As I moved along with my life, I have forgotten some of those memoirs.   Reading them back again now, has brought me on to a trip back to memory lane.

As I read them, I inspected them from a third person’s point of view.  Who is this girl writing? … Did I just do that?  Did I just say that? … I am surprisingly encouraged by the display of strength, fortitude and faith that I had.  I am surprisingly pleased to see the depth of wisdom I possessed brought about from the troubles of my past. I did not know that I had it in me. 

My past entries were like love letters written by my younger self addressed to my current and future self as a reminder to myself that I may not be perfect but I have a big loving heart, filled with potential of equally being loved.  This reminiscent exercise has reminded me to keep moving forward and never give up.  I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

Ten years of amazing anecdotal journey. I celebrate this milestone by thanking the following:

1)  The Blogger/Blog spot website

Generally speaking, unlike some people, I do not rant personal posts about my daily emotions in my social network medium (Facebook and Twitter). I would still like to keep my privacy and leave a room for some mystery within my circle of network. They do not need to know the gory details of my bleeding heart.  Besides, I do not feel the need to vent through that medium, as my Pink Patio has sufficed me with this platform to do so.

Blogging became my new form of crying.  Which explains the recurring melancholic undertone that hovers around my patio here and there.  The more sad I am, the more that I write.  So when I am silent in my Pink Patio, it means life is treating me well.  No news is good news.
Thank you Blog spot for providing me with an avenue where I can fully express my emotions, no holds barred.

2) Pink Patio readers

I have not advertised my blog and still I managed to have a follower of readers. I am deeply honored and at the same time humbled by the thought that some people consider my writings noteworthy enough the be read, amidst the influx of all other streams of information in the world wide web.

I am not sure if my blog is regularly followed, but I would still like to take this opportunity to thank my followers for being here for me to “listen” to my lamentation of sorts. There was a time that I thought I was just venting to an empty and open space.  I did not mind it.  I am happy enough to voice out what I feel through writing. But I am even happier to know that I am being heard somewhere by someone.

I am wonderfully surprised that some of my readers even care enough about my woes to leave me some comments and notes of encouragement.  I feel your hugs and I hear you. Thank you. We may not personally know each other.  But I have entrusted to you my raw emotions.  This is truly a unique sort of bond that we share.  And for this, I consider you a friend.  Thank you partaking this unique gift with me.

3) The men that broke my heart

The origins of Pink Patio birthed from a broken heart.  This blog would have not been created had I not felt so much pain and brokenness.   I needed a creative outlet to pour my heart out and express my pain. 

To the men that broke my heart, thank you for once loving me and sharing a fraction of your past with me. Thank you for the beautiful memories, which still never fails to make me smile when I look back and think of them.  Thank you for fuelling my heart with passion that has given me so much inspiration to write with all my heart.

4) My family and friends

Not everyone in my circle knows about this blog.  If they all knew about this, they would be surprised to see this vulnerable, open and honest side of me.  Most of the time I hide behind a bubby and confident fa├žade.  Little do they know the truth that lies behind that cheerful smile that I wear.  But despite of them not knowing the total truth, they have never failed to leave me nor provide me with the support and encouragement that I need.  I am truly blessed having them on my side.  Thank you.

5) My God

I thank God for the gift of writing that enables me release the tension building up inside of me. 

I thank Him for the gift of experience. I have learned valuable lessons in the university of life.  I do not get it right all the time, but He has always loving enough to guide me back and patient enough to offer me second, third, fourth… chances to start afresh.  His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.

I thank Him for the gift of hope.  Things may not be flowing exactly how I envisioned it to be.  But I trust in His loving wisdom that there is beauty and meaning behind all these things. I don’t’ see it now but someday, I will. 

Yes, life is beautiful, and so am I!  Ten years... I think I ought to buy myself a cake and celebrate.