Monday, March 25, 2013

Navigating Through the Crisis of Belief and the Journey of Faith

Three weeks down and my water walking experience continues… Actually, on the second thought, I can hardly describe it as walking but more of keeping my head above the water experience.

Everyday is like a roller coaster of emotion.  I experience ups and downs all in a span of one day.  Oh how quickly I can forget my focus when a slight form of discouragement comes my way.  Three weeks after job hunting, still no hopes of any job prospects but instead more rejections.

Rejection and after rejection, it is easy to succumb to surrender and retreat.  It is so easy to give up and be done with all these dramas.  But where do I go from here?  I have already made my move.  I am already here.  No use of looking back.  I have nothing to look back to.

I have come to the point of doubting myself and worse, doubting my beliefs.  God, are you there?  Can you see me?  Can you hear me?  Did you not lead me here?  Where are you?  Where is your provision?  Where are your promises? … I am 33 years old (and will be turning one year older in two months time) with no job, no love life.  All I have right now are my 7 boxes of clothes, shoes and bags.  

When I stepped out in faith, I expected God’s provision to come swiftly and smoothly land me in to career of dreams.  However, it does not work that way. As I rambled off my accusations and doubts, a soft still voice gently whispered to me, “Just embrace the enormity of the situation.  Because after you have surpassed this, you will never be the same person that you were in the past.”

I have realized that before I can receive God’s provision and His promises, I still need to go through a process – a process of transformation and preparation.  This process that I have to go through is a faith building exercise and a character formation program. There is no message without a mess and no testimony without a test.  I should aim to understand the message and pass the test.  Men of great faith in the bible also went through a period of long waiting before they received the fulfilment of God’s promises.  Joseph waited for 13 years, Abraham waited for 25 years, Moses waited for 40 years.  And so I have to wait… patiently and expectantly. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge him and He shall make your path straight.”  Proverbs 3:5-6

God is too wise to be mistaken and He is too good to be unkind.  There is a bigger picture to this than the current colour that He is painting in my life right now. My desperation is God’s opportunity for Him to reveal more of Himself to me and manifest His works in and through my life.

And so despite of what is going on, despite my hopelessness and despite of how I feel, I still choose to hold on to Him. I know He knows what He is doing and so I put my trust in Him.  As long as I am where God wants me to be, then everything is perfect.  If God’s will for me at the moment is for me to go job hunting, then so be it.  I shall be job hunting with all my heart.


Dear Jesus,

Grant me the kind of faith that speaks of my love for you.  Let me bring all my cares to you, believing that with you there is nothing too big, nothing too heavy.   I cannot change people’s minds but I know you can.  I know that you can also turn around the situation no matter how hopeless things may currently seem to look like.  For nothing, absolutely nothing is impossible with you.  As I wait on you, please give me the peace that only you can provide.  In the meantime, please make me a joyful job hunter, knowing and believing that You have everything planned for and provided for, and in your sweet time, you will lead me safe to my destined career path. Amen.