Monday, April 08, 2013

Carrot Alert

“It’s always surprising how small a part of life can be illuminated just by a flicker of unexpected simple moments. More often than not, these priceless “moments” are over before they start. Nevertheless, they leave that special mark… Making the person who instigated them – unforgettable.”

I have always used to say that about him, My Carrot, My “Mr. Unexpected Moments”.  Boy, he does not just know exactly when to pop up in my life, but he also knows the right things to say (even without saying much) at the very right time.  I call my Mr Carrot, because I admired him from afar, and like a carrot on a stick, he was (and is) beyond my reach.  So close, yet so far. 

When we parted previously, this I wrote in my last blog entry about him (in 2005):

“I believe our meeting was for a reason. His role was to teach me how to open my heart anew. Not necessarily to him, but for that someone special yet to come. After mourning from a not so lovely past, I took a self-shielding stance against love. But this experience has taught me to take aside my fears and inhibitions. It has reminded me how sweet it is to love.”

“I believe God has given a certain role for each person that we meet in our lives. My "Carrot" has taught me to open my heart anew. After a very painful breakup, I thought then that I would be incapable of opening my heart. But he took me by surprise and made me realize otherwise. … Unfortunately his role was just to teach. Now that he has completed his role in my life, time for him to leave. With his departure, my only wish is that whatever role I have in his life, I wish I completed it too.”

Eight years later, who would have thought that our paths would cross again.  Never in my wildest dream did I ever think that this would be possible. Credits to modern social networking medium, we got back in to connecting with each other again. He now runs a consultancy business in Singapore.  (How pretty ironic to think that he is an Australian based in Asia, while I am an Asian based in Australia.)

As usual, he comes back to my life at the right moment.  In the midst of my broken employment, he offered me an opportunity to work with him for one of his projects.  Thanks to modern technology, I can do the work from here and employ all modes of technological communication streams to correspond with him and submit my work.  To be given this offer is an honor for me.  I know he could easily hire someone within his locality to do the job for him, but for some reason, he still chose me.  And who am I to refuse such offer?

A hungry man sees god in the form of a bread.  I see my God at work through this provision.  This has somehow lifted a huge burden for me from my job hunting.  At least I can lie to rest my hunting spears for now and be able to recover from the bruises of job rejections. And although the project work is only good for three weeks, I am still grateful.  I still feel blessed.  I have learned to slowly live by the day. I treat this project work as my manna from heaven.  This project work will be my daily bread for the next three weeks.

As I think about it, I am truly amazed by How God makes exquisite choice to send the very right person to be a channel of His blessing! My “Carrot!”  Just the thought of this makes me smile.  But unlike our previous encounter, I have already built a Carrot Alert warning sign at the doorpost of my bluebird heart’s cage.   I do not want to mess up my prospective employment opportunity because of my foolish girly infatuation.  Secondly, I cannot afford to bring myself off to a vulnerable spot again suffering another recurring case of a one-sided puppy love affair.  No, especially not now when I am all alone. I am not blind to notice that he still views me as a young kiddo and treats me like a small sister... At the same time, he is already engaged. So end of discussion. Period.

But I am not heart broken. I am happy for him and wish him well and a lifetime of bliss and happiness with his soon to be lucky wife. Personally, my bluebird heart is still not in the mood to get out of its cage anyway. Will my little bluebird heart one day find its courage to fly again? This is a question I still ask myself from time to time. But I am parking this issue aside for now.   I do not expect Mr Carrot (nor any other man) to fix this issue for me.  This is something I have to work out myself.

I am aware of the main purpose of this serendipitous encounter and I resolve to stick to that purpose, no room for mixing business with pleasure.  I am committed to make this project work at par with his excellence standards and in line with his client expectation, if not more.  I am focused on this goal and this goal alone.  The demands of the project work is pretty daunting for me, but I am up for the challenge.  I aim to conquer this mountain.

He once came in to my life in the midst of my broken heart and gave me hope where I have learned to open up my heart again.  Now he is back in the midst of my broken dreams and gave me hope where I am reminded that there are in fact opportunities out there waiting for me.

And I quote from my September 2005 blog entry:

"Could this be the makings of God?  Could He be using him to tell me His message for me?  Wow! What a messenger - a divine providence for the day, enuogh to make Rhyanne smile."

Thank you Mr Carrot, if you only knew how you have touched my life and made such impact, and you still continue to do so, even in the tiniest thing that you say and do, without even you knowing it. You are God’s surprise gift to me.  I thank the Giver for this wonderful gift that is you.

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Dream Alive

Last Sunday’s celebration reminded me that yes Jesus is alive.  And just as He rose from the dead, I believe that He is mighty and powerful enough to raise anything from the grave… including my broken dreams (and my broken heart).

Sometimes, we need to be broken for us to be made whole again.  I have been stripped off from everything that I placed my anchor on.  In my nothingness, I have learned to seek Him all the more.  And as I seek upon Him, I believe that He will slowly reveal to me piece by piece all the necessary ingredients to make me whole again.  In His time, He makes all things beautiful.

Just because I am not where I want to be at this moment, does not mean that I am not getting there.  A step back is an opportunity for a great come back.  In my vulnerability and brokenness, I begin to open and dare to allow myself to learn new things and explore new possibilities. I am now re-calibrating my dreams aligning them with reality hand in hand with God’s power and provision.  What is impossible with men is possible with God.  He has it in His power to open doors that are shut and to close doors that are open.

I trust in the assurance that Jesus loves me and He knows what is best for me, even if there are detours along the way.   I may not always end up where I thought I was going, but I will always end up where I am meant to be.

I dreamed the dream… Now, I continue the dream.  In His time, I will live the dream.