Saturday, June 29, 2013

The Amazing Reality of Reminiscence

I wanted to blog but I do not know where to begin, lest what topic to talk about. And then just realized that my cozy little pink patio has recently turned 10 years old.

Wow.  How time flies so fast.  When I ventured in to this thing, I had no idea where it will bring me.  I did not expect that I would be able to maintain this for 10 years. I had my moments of silence in between and did a couple of site renovations.  But it seems like my Pink Patio is here for long haul.  Long live and prosper!

In commemoration of my Pink Patio’s 10-year anniversary, I paused for a moment and for the first time, I reviewed all my past entries since the very beginning…  Amazing!

What a journey it has been.  Some of my anecdotes amaze me to think how I could have managed to survive the phases of my life that I traversed on. As I moved along with my life, I have forgotten some of those memoirs.   Reading them back again now, has brought me on to a trip back to memory lane.

As I read them, I inspected them from a third person’s point of view.  Who is this girl writing? … Did I just do that?  Did I just say that? … I am surprisingly encouraged by the display of strength, fortitude and faith that I had.  I am surprisingly pleased to see the depth of wisdom I possessed brought about from the troubles of my past. I did not know that I had it in me. 

My past entries were like love letters written by my younger self addressed to my current and future self as a reminder to myself that I may not be perfect but I have a big loving heart, filled with potential of equally being loved.  This reminiscent exercise has reminded me to keep moving forward and never give up.  I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

Ten years of amazing anecdotal journey. I celebrate this milestone by thanking the following:

1)  The Blogger/Blog spot website

Generally speaking, unlike some people, I do not rant personal posts about my daily emotions in my social network medium (Facebook and Twitter). I would still like to keep my privacy and leave a room for some mystery within my circle of network. They do not need to know the gory details of my bleeding heart.  Besides, I do not feel the need to vent through that medium, as my Pink Patio has sufficed me with this platform to do so.

Blogging became my new form of crying.  Which explains the recurring melancholic undertone that hovers around my patio here and there.  The more sad I am, the more that I write.  So when I am silent in my Pink Patio, it means life is treating me well.  No news is good news.
Thank you Blog spot for providing me with an avenue where I can fully express my emotions, no holds barred.

2) Pink Patio readers

I have not advertised my blog and still I managed to have a follower of readers. I am deeply honored and at the same time humbled by the thought that some people consider my writings noteworthy enough the be read, amidst the influx of all other streams of information in the world wide web.

I am not sure if my blog is regularly followed, but I would still like to take this opportunity to thank my followers for being here for me to “listen” to my lamentation of sorts. There was a time that I thought I was just venting to an empty and open space.  I did not mind it.  I am happy enough to voice out what I feel through writing. But I am even happier to know that I am being heard somewhere by someone.

I am wonderfully surprised that some of my readers even care enough about my woes to leave me some comments and notes of encouragement.  I feel your hugs and I hear you. Thank you. We may not personally know each other.  But I have entrusted to you my raw emotions.  This is truly a unique sort of bond that we share.  And for this, I consider you a friend.  Thank you partaking this unique gift with me.

3) The men that broke my heart

The origins of Pink Patio birthed from a broken heart.  This blog would have not been created had I not felt so much pain and brokenness.   I needed a creative outlet to pour my heart out and express my pain. 

To the men that broke my heart, thank you for once loving me and sharing a fraction of your past with me. Thank you for the beautiful memories, which still never fails to make me smile when I look back and think of them.  Thank you for fuelling my heart with passion that has given me so much inspiration to write with all my heart.

4) My family and friends

Not everyone in my circle knows about this blog.  If they all knew about this, they would be surprised to see this vulnerable, open and honest side of me.  Most of the time I hide behind a bubby and confident façade.  Little do they know the truth that lies behind that cheerful smile that I wear.  But despite of them not knowing the total truth, they have never failed to leave me nor provide me with the support and encouragement that I need.  I am truly blessed having them on my side.  Thank you.

5) My God

I thank God for the gift of writing that enables me release the tension building up inside of me. 

I thank Him for the gift of experience. I have learned valuable lessons in the university of life.  I do not get it right all the time, but He has always loving enough to guide me back and patient enough to offer me second, third, fourth… chances to start afresh.  His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me.

I thank Him for the gift of hope.  Things may not be flowing exactly how I envisioned it to be.  But I trust in His loving wisdom that there is beauty and meaning behind all these things. I don’t’ see it now but someday, I will. 

Yes, life is beautiful, and so am I!  Ten years... I think I ought to buy myself a cake and celebrate.