Friday, July 12, 2013

Little Miss Intelligent

They say love is blind, or at least the lovers are.  Personally, I think it is true.  Love makes you see things on a rose-colored glass.  I don't know how it exactly works nor why this happens.  But like magic, love somehow gives you this supernatural power to make all things bearable.  Love makes you hope for the best and makes you endure even at the worst condition.  Love give you a different kind of eyesight. You see something that others normally don't and at the same time you fail to see what the others can.  

I am an intelligent woman. I got the brains that garnered me with the highest university honors out from our entire graduating batch.   But when I fall in love, my brains take the back seat.  My brain is pretty strong but my heart is even stronger. Thus, making this my weakness.  My achilles heel.  My brain is disciplined but my heart is wild.  When I love, I give my all and love with all my heart.  More often than not, I fall too fast, I feel too much.    And so it needs to be tamed.  This is why I am now exercising restraint.

Sure, I would like to fall in love again but I am still scared to subject myself to that place of vulnerability again.  My bluebird heart is still afraid to go out of the cage... Maybe when I feel like I am ready or who knows, if I'm lucky, maybe when the right man (who would go equally dumb-foundedly love struck with me as well and brave enough to pursue me, strong enough to help me fight my battles and patient enough to coach me to get out of my cage) comes along... whichever comes first... whenever... or probably never? 

I do not know what endless possibilities of the future may bring.  All I know is that for now, I just want to master and celebrate my intelligence.

And what's an intelligent girl got to do on a Friday night? ... Read a book or  probably plan out on how I can execute my dream of having my own consultancy business?  ... Hey, I said I'm intelligent but not that brave... not just yet.  Maybe someday I will be brave... and be in love... and still be intelligent.  Hahahaha! Oh yes, I am a dreamer.  Dream on little miss intelligent dreamer.

Friday, July 05, 2013

A Life Lesson Learned

It was a very windy and chilly afternoon. From our office window, I could hear the wind blowing its whistle. The winter weather brought along an overcast of gray clouds lining the sky.  It was dark and cold.  It is indeed what I call a "bed weather", where I would rather be comfortably snuggled in my bed, surrounded my my multitudes of pillows and covered by my duck feathered doona cover, than slaving myself at work, managing demanding deadlines and coordinating complex communication process flow.

Then just about by midday, the clouds parted for the sun to cast its rays. I can feel my energy slowly rising and it rose even higher when my office mate (Om) pointed a beautiful sight outside our window.

As I faced our window wall overlooking a tree-lined park with a view of the the CBD city scape I saw the rainbow peeking in between the clouds and sitting on one of the city building towers.  It was a sight to behold.  For a time, I held my breathe and felt a sense of peace.  

I love rainbows and sunshine. They remind me of a promise of hope after every dark clouds.  Sounds cliche but true.

And before I could go on feeling sentimental and reflecting about it, my reverie was interrupted as I heard my office mate's cellphone click.  She was taking a photo of the rainbow - which reminds me that I should do as well.

I looked for a strategic location that captures the best angle and highlights the best feature.  I bent backwards and forwards intently keen to capture the perfect shot that would justify what my naked eye has witnessed.  However, not before long the clouds came in, the sun shied away and the rainbow disappeared.

Me:  Oh no!  The rainbow disappeared.  

Om: At least you saw it with your eyes.

Me: But it was gone too soon and I did not even manage to take a picture.

Om: (looking at her desk with a pile-load if paper work)  It is just like happiness (looking back at the window), it does not last long. (saying it with a sad face, followed by a sigh).

I looked at her desk and I knew what she meant.  Trying to appease her, I tried my best to quickly find words to make her feel better.

Me: Yes, life can be like that but we can create our own rainbow as well.

Om: Wow, I will remember that.  Thanks, I feel better. (Saying it with a smile)

My office mate may have been impressed, but I am impressed even more.  I did not know where that came from.  My advice to her is the very advice that I need for myself as well.  I need to center myself and find my own inner peace that is not dependent on other people nor other external forces.  

This is what I call one of my life's teaching moment, where I learned a valuable principle in life in the middle of the dark gray winter clouds.  Now, that's powerful and shall I say, colorful, stuff.  I find it precious when out from a seemingly ordinary day, I happen to stumble upon life's teaching moment.