Thursday, February 05, 2015

Time Reveals Truth

Suddenly, amidst the placid waters, he came and dropped me a message.

“I’m sorry,” said the Woodpecker.

I was surprised.  Who would have thought I would receive the apologies I never expected ... eight months after. 

“I forgive you,” came my reply.

We have been out of touch since we said our last goodbyes.  I do not feel anything.  No remorse.  No hurt.  No anger. 

“I don’t deserve to be,” he replied back.

I have already forgiven him long time ago.  I have already given myself my own closure.  I have moved on.  My heart is now at rest.  I wonder  what triggered him to come back to me and seek my forgiveness.  Maybe it is him who needed closure.  Maybe he is doing this for himself.

And so I told him, “Everybody deserves to be forgiven.  Hope you find the peace within you to forgive yourself too.”

I am no saint but I have forgiven him even without his apologies.   Actually, I no longer need his apologies.  But then again, I thank him still for having the decency to come back and give it to me, even if it was eight months late.  It is the thought that counts.  I appreciate his humble gesture.

“Thank you.”

That is how we ended our conversation. There is nothing more left to say.  I think this is the final end of the road for us. We have come to the end of the line – both for me and for him.  His sudden “visitation” was a clear confirmation for me that I have indeed moved on and that I have no feelings, even hard feelings for him.  I hope that he too has found his peace and has received the closure that he needs.... which I think he also did....

..... One week later ....... 

While I was clearing my Facebook messages, I browsed upon one a new profile pic amongst my chat list.  It is a new pic, so my curiosity was triggered.  But it was so small, I had to click on it to enlarge the picture.  Lo and behold!  It is Woodpecker with a new girl in his arms.    If they are now in a relationship, then good for them.  I just hope that he would not do to her what he did to me. I was not shocked about the girl.  I did not care about the girl and their new relationship. 

I was  more shocked about him.  Like, OMG!  He looked different from the time we were together.  His eyes, his smile, everything about him, his aura .  And for the first time, I saw the real him.  The real person that he is – and not the man he led me to believe that he is.  Definitely not the man I thought he was. The man I used to date and the man I saw in the picture looked two different people.  Had I known it before what I know now; had I seen it before what I have just seen now, I would not even consider wasting my time on him.

Now, things have fallen in to place. Slowly, the missing pieces of the puzzle began to manifest itself - that I can now see the whole big picture loud and clear.  Time not only heals but it also reveals the truth.  Things does happen for a reason.  The pain I felt before was nothing compared to the pain  could have felt had we dragged on to blossoming our relationship.

And in spite of what I saw, I feel grateful to him.  Grateful, that he honored me enough to respect my boundaries when we were together.  He respected me enough not to take advantage of my naiveté.   Grateful, that he ended things between us sooner which spared me from a potential far worse deeper pain.   Grateful, that he was humble enough to send his apologies, albeit 8 months late, before going public with his new relationship and real true identity.

I am grateful for the lesson.  I view it not as a failure but as a life learning experience.  And the lesson lingers on. Whilst I have learned a new skill set on survival by letting go, moving on by myself and giving myself my own closure, I am still grasping the lesson on sustainability by learning how to rise from the fall...and eventually gather the courage to fly again. 

Most of all, I am grateful that I am happy, single and free!